questions in my mind.
i think, as i get older, i'm less able to have a singular focus. To train for and race only mountain bikes or to train for and race only for running just doesn't work for me anymore. i get bored. plus, foregoing tennis or golf or basketball or whatever because i'm worried it may effect my finish in a race that should be fun but more and more so is just a disappointment is a drag.
i feel like i've topped out, that i'm never going to have the time (or the motivation) to get to where i used to be. but, as long as i show up to the races i'll be comparing myslef to what was and feel disappointment.
what am i trying to say...i guess nothing, it's just what is on my mind this morning. i was contemplating my race schedule and having diffuculty mustering motivation for any races i can attend. and, the races i want to attend i cannot due to conflicts with my school schedule (blockhouse and beechwood) or because i didn't get in (fat tire).
and, odds are, this isn't my year for the cross bike. i've been unfairly using this forum to publicly lobby my wife for this bike. i shouldn't do that...it makes her feel bad. and, after reviewing finances and staring down the barrel of a $15k tuition bill for this school year...i'm calling off the dogs. it's not that we can't...it's that we shouldn't. and that distinction needs to be made by yours truly.
sorry, a little vent. i'm sick of feeling bad if a miss a training ride and i'm sick of feeling bad if i don't do well (and even in my prime i was disappointed with how i finished a race). maybe i should stop racing and just get out and enjoy my surroundings? getting out and riding for no reason or running the ice age trail just to be outside without the pressure to race the guy in front of me seems to give me the most enjoyment these days. so i guess the answer is maybe so...
happy wednesday.
i feel like i've topped out, that i'm never going to have the time (or the motivation) to get to where i used to be. but, as long as i show up to the races i'll be comparing myslef to what was and feel disappointment.
what am i trying to say...i guess nothing, it's just what is on my mind this morning. i was contemplating my race schedule and having diffuculty mustering motivation for any races i can attend. and, the races i want to attend i cannot due to conflicts with my school schedule (blockhouse and beechwood) or because i didn't get in (fat tire).
and, odds are, this isn't my year for the cross bike. i've been unfairly using this forum to publicly lobby my wife for this bike. i shouldn't do that...it makes her feel bad. and, after reviewing finances and staring down the barrel of a $15k tuition bill for this school year...i'm calling off the dogs. it's not that we can't...it's that we shouldn't. and that distinction needs to be made by yours truly.
sorry, a little vent. i'm sick of feeling bad if a miss a training ride and i'm sick of feeling bad if i don't do well (and even in my prime i was disappointed with how i finished a race). maybe i should stop racing and just get out and enjoy my surroundings? getting out and riding for no reason or running the ice age trail just to be outside without the pressure to race the guy in front of me seems to give me the most enjoyment these days. so i guess the answer is maybe so...
happy wednesday.
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