won't be seeing you
at any spring/summer races anyway.
i've been thinking about why i want to race: i want to compete and i want to be with friends.
it is becoming very clear that i cannot train enough to be competitive on any level. family comes first and work is becoming a bigger burden as well. i don't want to spend my life worrying about training while i should be enjoying my son and wife - i am not willing to make that sacrafice. if i cannot train consistantly, i cannot compete so racing would be a self fullfilling prophecy of unhappiness (so i cannot attain the first reason i want to race). on top of this, i cannot count on races actually happening. this weekend took a lot of energy in terms of planning/preparing in the end for nothing (and also made reason #2 i want to race unatainable).
i guess i thought i could make it all work. some people do (and they do it well), but i can't. our lives are already very busy and it will only get worse as calvin gets older. during the week, i only get to see him a few hours before he goes to bed. when i do ride after work i can't stand the thought that i'm missing that time with him...he is growing so fast.
i'll still ride on the weekends when i'm able. i'll still do fat tire (they can't cancel that one, can they?) and maybe hit some of the cross races that are reasonably close to home this fall. but i'm not a racer anymore and it is time i start thinking that way...i'll be happier for it.
happy wednesday.
i've been thinking about why i want to race: i want to compete and i want to be with friends.
it is becoming very clear that i cannot train enough to be competitive on any level. family comes first and work is becoming a bigger burden as well. i don't want to spend my life worrying about training while i should be enjoying my son and wife - i am not willing to make that sacrafice. if i cannot train consistantly, i cannot compete so racing would be a self fullfilling prophecy of unhappiness (so i cannot attain the first reason i want to race). on top of this, i cannot count on races actually happening. this weekend took a lot of energy in terms of planning/preparing in the end for nothing (and also made reason #2 i want to race unatainable).
i guess i thought i could make it all work. some people do (and they do it well), but i can't. our lives are already very busy and it will only get worse as calvin gets older. during the week, i only get to see him a few hours before he goes to bed. when i do ride after work i can't stand the thought that i'm missing that time with him...he is growing so fast.
i'll still ride on the weekends when i'm able. i'll still do fat tire (they can't cancel that one, can they?) and maybe hit some of the cross races that are reasonably close to home this fall. but i'm not a racer anymore and it is time i start thinking that way...i'll be happier for it.
happy wednesday.
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