27 February 2010


home. after our ordeal in the icu, i thought that i would be excited to go home. truthfully, i was a little scared. our little buddy got sick so fast that i think we both were a little nervous at the prospect of a repeat...even though that is highly unlikely.

calvin is doing fine. he is slowly being weaned off of his narcotics which means he is still loopy most of the time. we have to give him medication of some sorts every three hours and those medications will be decreased over the next 2 weeks. he sleeps through the 2am methadone but it is going to be rough on his parents. i thought that i understood sleep deprivation after his first month on this earth, but now that seems like child's play. spending 10 nights in the icu has given us a very high baseline of exhaustion, and these nights just keep cutting our toughness grooves a little deeper.

i feel so fortunate that this is all winding down. the support of family and friends has been overwhelming and we are very grateful.

i'm sure i'll expand more as i get more clarity. but until then, i'm going to sign off.

happy saturday.

24 February 2010

3.5 hours

i managed 3.5 hours of sleep last night which is no small feat considering calvin wasn't feeling much like sleeping. between him gaining a kilogram of new mass and not moving for the past week and a half, he is a bit floppy...almost like having a 15 pound newborn. his sleep cycles appear to be out of whack so it seems we are essentially starting over again. and, i really struggle with comforting him with all the wires/tubes attached.

he is eating well, his suck/swallow coordination is good and he has good drive to eat. the oxygen has been turned off altogether and his saturation remains high so hopefully the nasal cannula and feeding tube will be gone sometime this morning yet. it is going to take about 2 or 3 weeks to wean him off the pain and sedation medicines.

anyway, one step closer to home...actually many steps closer. but, we have a long way to go to get our little calvin back.

22 February 2010

better days to come

well, nitric oxide has been turned off. the NO machine is no longer in the room...and each time something is removed we feel like we are a little closer to being back to normal. the peep setting has been reduced to 5 which is suitable for extubation. now, the oxygen level will be weaned through the night. at 4 tomorrow morning, the next part of the extubation protocol will be initiated which is the reduction of his sedatives and also decreasing respirations on the vent so he starts doing more work. hopefully this all means that he will be breathing on his own by mid morning.

he had his echocardiogram and cat scan this afternoon. the echo looks very normal and we haven't heard yet about his cat scan.

so, over the past few days we have had a lot of down time. not the type of down time that allows for anything productive, but i have watched some olympics. two questions: 1) why do they yell so much while curling? usually, the person yelling at one end is saying the opposite of the person on the other end.
2) how is it that ice dancers can a. mime smoking during their athletic event and b. wear jorts? i don't expect to really find out the answer.

anyway, we continue wait in our 35 square foot living area. and calvin continues to fight the good fight.

until tomorrow.

21 February 2010

baby steps

calvin is slowly being weaned off of his nitric oxide (to help him oxygenate better) and his ventilator settings. we keep saying that initially we resisted intubation and now we are resisting extubation. not because we don't want him back, but because we don't want any major set backs along the way. it looks like cal is going to have a cat scan tomorrow to better check his heart and lung anatomy. also, they will be repeating the heart ultrasound to definitively verify that he is not suffering from any cardiac failure that may have contributed to his precipitous fall from health. as each hour passes it is looking more and more like tuesday may be the day the ventilator is removed. of course, there is no predicting how the next 12-18 hours will go but by tomorrow he should off nitric oxide altogether and his ventilator settings should be pretty close to what is needed for extubation (fingers crossed).

we've had many visitors over the weekend. while this is a very good thing it is also a little tough. everyone wants to be close to him which can sometimes interfere with what the nurses/doctors are trying to do. everyones' instinct is to engage a baby and make them smile...it's really hard to leave a baby alone. it is a good problem to have for sure.

mostly, we are trying to remain patient. it is looking like there is a good chance that calvin is at the hospital through next weekend. we were able to watch the opening ceremonies at home...it would be fitting to watch the closing ceremonies there as well...the flame in the olympic cauldron representing our family's competition against this illness. while most years i'm sad to see the flame go out...this time, i would be ecstatic.

19 February 2010

on the seventh day...

calvin is beginning to progress but very very slowly. his parents are at a low point in terms of exhaustion...i think that our new picu sleeping arrangements are beginning to take its toll on us. one of us sleeps in his room which has periodic activity that arouses us from sleep. at 4:30 every morning, radiology comes by to x-ray his little chest which is an operation that requires everyone to step out of the room. while there isn't much we can do for little calvin right now, we can be here so we have made it a priority to do so. the few times we have both left together, we have had a family member sit with him.

no definitive cause has been identified even with an infectious disease consult. however, each step along the way has pointed towards a viral infection of some type. it really doesn't matter at this point as long as he gets better. we haven't had rounds yet, so we don't know what todays plan is. hopefully it involves the extubation protocol. i don't want to rush anything, but boy do i miss holding my son.

and we continue to wait...

16 February 2010

day 3

man, right now days feel like weeks. i slept in calvin's room last night and didn't get much rest. he is a pretty hands on guy right now because he is so sick so a nurse is in here almost constantly. he hasn't changed much which is good...while we would love him to start making improvements we are really nervous at the prospect of him getting worse.

the cause of the lung disease is still undetermined at this time. he is retaining a lot of fluid which deviates from typical pneumonias and is cause for some concern. he will probably have another ecg to verify that heart failure is not the cause. our pediatrician is pushing for an infectious disease consult to try and identify what might be causing the infection if it is an infection.

i am continually impressed with the staff here at childrens...especially the nursing group. they are so attentive and competent...we are lucky to be here.

and so we wait.

15 February 2010

life in the picu

i went home yesterday to grab a few things including our camera. words cannot express how badly i want this to be over so we can get him back home.

14 February 2010

Our little bear

Calvin fell ill Friday night and by noon time on Saturday he was admitted to UW Children's Hospital in the Pediatric ICU. He worsened further and ended up requiring intubation. He is very sick but is resting and (hopefully) fighting this thing.

What is this thing? Well, that is to be determined...the docs thought RSV at first blush but that came back negative. It is also not Infuenza A/B or bacterial. It seems like it is presenting as a viral infection. The main deal is that he has pneumonia in both lungs. He has tubes and wires all over the place and he is stable.

Please, if you have a spare happy thought or two I know a young man at Children's Hospital who was lucky to take after his mom in the looks department that could use them.

12 February 2010

getting better.

well, after i posted about 4 straight zeros i managed to get out for five wednesday night and 6 miles last night (so only 3 straight zeros). i'm still feeling the remnants of the cold i had and our son has altered his sleep cycles enough that i haven't made it out in the a.m. at all this week. thanks to robin for letting me sneak away at night.

ok, so last night i fell. i have probably fallen once per week since i started running again. the snow and ice are really becoming a grind and my luck is eventually going to run out. i wish i was mentally capable of running on a treadmill more than 1 time per week.

i made a decision regarding my replacement hrm. i'm going with the rs300x which is technically a running computer but is also gps ready if i choose at some point to get the sensor (for biking). i lose altitude capabilities but i may go with an altitude capable bike computer at some point.

the winter olympics start tonight. i always like watching the opening ceremonies...so much hope and optimism. by the end i'll be ready for the office, 30 rock and even dateline relative to all the ice skating. why do people like that shit so much?

happy friday.

10 February 2010

a lot of zeros

i haven't run a single mile, kilometer or furlong since the saturday run i cut short. sunday i was feeling really run down. monday was a bit of the same. tuesday i was achy and conjested...same with this morning. add on top some irregular baby sleep patterns the past couple of days and i've entered a free fall. on top of it, i'm feeling a lot of general apathy towards work not to mention we are in the doldrums of winter. february is the worst month. dark, cold, snowy. i know, we all are dealing so get over it.

my s612x polar heart rate monitor is dead. i'm trying to decide what (or if) i should replace it with. i don't know...sometimes it seems like it is all useless information and maybe i should just spend $50 on a timex and be done.

alright, i'm going to end this worthless post.

happy wednesday.

06 February 2010

a little bummed

the goal for the day was 16 miles. i bagged it at 13...my legs felt really heavy and i could feel my form slipping further with each step i took. 2 months from now i would have gutted it out and finished the workout...but not today.

at least it is saturday and the sun is out.

05 February 2010

double helix in the sky

after a restless night of sleep (my own doing, baby slept all night), i got out for an easy 6 miles. i'm feeling better than i have been the past few days which is good because tomorrow i'd like to hit 16 miles.

our baby made it through daycare day 1, although he didn't sleep much during the day. he was really fun last night...in his bath, i got him to kick on command with some clapping as motivation. he loves to kick his legs when he is awake which pretty much means he is destined to be a ninja. the only question that remains: will he use his gift for good or for evil? only time will tell...

happy friday.

04 February 2010


no run today. i'm still feeling a little achy and a lot tired so i opted out. that and i wanted to be available for the first daycare morning. i'm taking a conservative approach to training this time around but often that means i feel lazy for missing days. as long as i get my long runs in and later my tempo runs, i should be fine for madcity (well, no worse off than my last attempt). morning running is really hard...i have so much respect for those who do it consistently - especially in the winter when it is cold, dark the whole time, and slippery.

happy thursday.

03 February 2010


wake up cry came at 4:30 or so this morning. after taking the bottle portion of the feed, made it out the door for what felt like a slow six (it wasn't slow). by the end my calves and back were aching which i can only attribute to the slippery footing yesterday and today...or i'm getting sick. anyway, i took a little nap while the boy slept and now i feel a little better.

happy wednesday.

02 February 2010

peoples' knees and trunks of trees smile at me

i get to spend the next couple of days with this guy:

robin goes back to work today and i know it is tough for her. she really is a great mom and calvin and i are very lucky to have her.

i got out for a slow six miles this morning in the snow. i went down on ice once early in the run (still half asleep i think) but am no worse for wear.


happy tuesday.

01 February 2010

how you say

got out for an easy 6 last night to top my week off at around 37 or 38 miles. highest thus far and i feel pretty good about it. my training week started inauspiciously with a zero in the log this morning. i just couldn't get out of bed and now that i'm up i think i know why...i'm feeling pretty run down kind of like i'm teetering on having a cold. oh well. hopefully i feel better as the day progresses. if not, chalk it up to a rest day i guess.

i can't believe it is monday again.